Reindeer Are Evil

Not Santa’s reindeer, silly!

I am referring to those white, wired sculptures with lights and small motors attached.

Some of the reindeer do not have motors, but the ones that do are called “animated”.  Well, yes, they certainly make me animated.  Have you ever tried to put these abominations of holiday cheer back in the box?  Holy son of Rudolph…

On Thursday, Jan. 5, being the well-intentioned suburbanite that I am, I decided it was time to pack up our reindeer back into their cardboard stalls to wait until late November 2017 when they will once again be set free to roam our front yard as purveyors of Christmas-time peace on Earth and goodwill toward men.  Well, they are not exactly “set free”.  They are actually staked in the ground, which if they were real reindeer, would constitute animal cruelty.

Now, let me make one thing very clear, after a morning spent corralling these demons, I assure you, understanding reader, they are not purveyors of any kind of goodwill and they deserved all the cruelty I put them through.

The carnage began at 8:45 am.  11:55 am was my finish time.

3 hours and 10 minutes it took me to lasso these 7 (SEVEN) rangifer tarandus into their boxes and back to the attic.  Our 7 sculptures of frustration will hang out with wreaths, lighted spiral trees and a 10 foot tall blow up polar bear, who, by the way, gave me no trouble at all about going back into his box.

So, here’s to a happy New Year.  Here’s hoping for good health, happy families and a world where peace and grace can expand to reach everyone.  And you know what?  Come Jan. 5, 2018, I hope to do every last bit of wrangling, lassoing and texting all over again.







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